| New Pic by Neorush | 2004-04-21 - 04:48:45 |
I Haven't blogged in awhile...this may take a minute..........
.....So I finally nabbed a decent pic of christina...and got it edited and posted on Deviant Art. You can see that here:
http://www.deviantart.com/view/6691815/
.....In other news things in this realtionship (i think its safe to call it that...as either of us refuse to put a title on it...)...you see...this girl has a charm...a rather intresting skill you could say...some women have it...i did meet one in the past with a simiar skill...but she was different...she was not this girl...at least thats what i keep telling myself...this internal struggle is tough though....i mean really...im not sure how to approach or even look at this situation any more...im kinda just along for the ride...so there a lot of unknowns...but this isnt always bad...im still intrested...which is a rarity...normally i get bored...im ready to move on by now...this has been the first girl in awhile that has kept my interest...but is it her charm?...or is at actually her?...I'm honestly not sure...and thats why i think only time will tell the outcome of all this...
.....I finally got around to reading shell's blog again...i like to read up on her...make sure shes doing ok...i really do wish the best for her...but more importanly christina asked me a question the other day...she said something like "You really love her dont you."...now my only reply...and the truth was...yes...i really do...to this day...she is a big reason i turned into the man i am...its just painful that i had to put her through so much to get there...and i think its odd how we humans grow stronger through our pain...oh yes it hurts for awhile and some of us give up...but those of us who press on become great people...i have now in my life seen this time and time again... shell is a great example of the true strength of the human being...and until you've been through everything that she has i think its difficult to even comprehend what im talking about...but regardless...good luck shell...you deserve everything great that you accomplish...and i mean that with all my heart.
.....So I finally nabbed a decent pic of christina...and got it edited and posted on Deviant Art. You can see that here:
http://www.deviantart.com/view/6691815/
.....In other news things in this realtionship (i think its safe to call it that...as either of us refuse to put a title on it...)...you see...this girl has a charm...a rather intresting skill you could say...some women have it...i did meet one in the past with a simiar skill...but she was different...she was not this girl...at least thats what i keep telling myself...this internal struggle is tough though....i mean really...im not sure how to approach or even look at this situation any more...im kinda just along for the ride...so there a lot of unknowns...but this isnt always bad...im still intrested...which is a rarity...normally i get bored...im ready to move on by now...this has been the first girl in awhile that has kept my interest...but is it her charm?...or is at actually her?...I'm honestly not sure...and thats why i think only time will tell the outcome of all this...
.....I finally got around to reading shell's blog again...i like to read up on her...make sure shes doing ok...i really do wish the best for her...but more importanly christina asked me a question the other day...she said something like "You really love her dont you."...now my only reply...and the truth was...yes...i really do...to this day...she is a big reason i turned into the man i am...its just painful that i had to put her through so much to get there...and i think its odd how we humans grow stronger through our pain...oh yes it hurts for awhile and some of us give up...but those of us who press on become great people...i have now in my life seen this time and time again... shell is a great example of the true strength of the human being...and until you've been through everything that she has i think its difficult to even comprehend what im talking about...but regardless...good luck shell...you deserve everything great that you accomplish...and i mean that with all my heart.
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I am not defined by my past relationships with males (as my professor wanted to point out to the class yesterday), i am not defined by the males who were too ridiculous to see me as anything beyond their own libido. I am beautiful and brilliant and just b/c you defined our relationship by sex (jay) does not mean that i did. If it was just sex to you it was never just sex to me or i would have been gone after the first night. There, i fought it. That was my demon. That was a very uneventful, unorgasmic fight considering all the torment it has put me through.