Well I don't know exactly...where to start...i mean really...this is a really difficult thing to describe...and well it all stems from one feeling ...from one relationship...one thing that i thought i knew...you see sex to me ...for a long time was just sex...it was cunfusing...i always thought it was just them...you know the people I dated....the people I've had sex with ...they were crazy...they were out of place...they were in the wrong...certainly not me...with all my sexual exploits I certainly had things under control...it was ok...i knew what was going on...it was just sex..bullshit...we all know...at least those of us who have grown up that sex is not just sex...and that bond that is formed through sex is not just random...its not just physical...its the emotional closeness you get from being that close to someone...and you cant tear that away...even today i feel the pain i have caused those in my past..i feel it...and it really hurts...the pain that i have put others through because of my ignorance...and im hoping that someone will read this...maybe today...maybe tomorrow...maybe 10 years from now...but regardless...i have a feeling that sex will be even more dulled in the media...but the truth of it still lies deep within...and the truth of it will probably only be known to a select few...I have a very strong inclination that I will be forced to deal with my actions...my foolishness for a very long time...if not for the rest of my life...but this is my fate...and as sad as it is...i know that in the end i will still have those feelings...and i will still wonder...but you can monday night quarterback all you want...cause we all know its the game on Sunday that really counts...not just for yourself...but those that have to suffer through the game with you...and you wish you could even the score...but you see...those games are already over...you can only look to winning the next game on Sunday...or better yet getting a tie.